If you’ve been planning to travel with friends but you have questions or doubts or just want to be better prepared, this post is for you! I’ve had so many wonderful experiences traveling with groups, from school trips to studying abroad to exploring in a small group with 1-5 other people. Each group has its own dynamic and strengths and pitfalls; who you’re traveling with can and will influence how you experience a place. Even with the inevitable ups and downs, traveling with friends is a wonderful way to see the world and build connections with the people in your life.
I’ll write another post on traveling alone, but know that you absolutely can go alone. If you can’t find anyone to join you, explore solo. This post, however, is all about traveling with friends, though these tips also apply to traveling with family or even strangers.
Why travel with friends
I have been participating in group travel since I was in middle school. My first group trip was a four-day canoe expedition down the Colorado River in seventh grade. That river trip was my first taste of the joy and challenges that can come from traveling with other people, no matter how well you know them. I’m not sure how many school trips I took from seventh grade through graduation, but it was more than a dozen.
After high school, I took a few trips with friends, from traveling to Guatemala with two roommates to road tripping from Massachusetts to Texas. Each trip has taught me something different about what it takes to travel with other people, have fun, and minimize friction.
The wonderful thing about traveling with one or more other people is that you get to experience a place and grow a relationship simultaneously. Even if you travel with good friends you’ve known for years, there are ways that you’ll get to know them better by traveling together. You’ll also build your bonds by adding new inside jokes, experiences worthy of reminiscing for years to come, and you’ll grow together.
1. Choose your group wisely
In my experience traveling with other people, unless there is a predetermined structure and leader (such as a school or college program), it’s best to keep your group to 2-4 people. There are a few key advantages to this: you’ll all fit in a car or taxi, it’s easy to find accommodations for a group this size, and it’s easier to manage the social dynamics of a smaller group.
Overall, I’ve had wonderful experiences traveling with friends. When I think back on the times that I really struggled, however, the common denominator was that these particular friends and I had values that didn’t align very closely. On trips where my friends were dedicated to learning and growing and becoming better people and cultivating a respect for the place we visited, we were mostly able to overcome our differences. On trips where my travel companions were looking to vacation, I found the dynamics harder to manage.
When you’re determining whether to travel with someone, flexibility, travel experience, a bias towards adventure, and adaptability are all great traits to look for in a travel companion. Don’t worry if they (or you!) don’t have all of these things! Even one or two will help with your group dynamics. The more your travel companion loves to explore and learn and create, the better.
If you are taking a trip where you aren’t responsible for choosing your group, remember the line from the TV show Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, “Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet.” Seriously, though, travel with strangers can be so rewarding! If you’re planning to study abroad or otherwise participate in group travel with people you haven’t yet met, go in with an open mind and try to connect with the people who most closely share your values. In my experience, that’s the most important part of creating a cohesive group, and the rest has a tendency to sort itself out.
2. Set realistic itineraries
Sometimes when you’re planning a trip, you can’t help but to book an ambitious day or two. Maybe there’s a 6am flight that’s $150 less than the flight later that day and a concert that evening that you really want to go to. Sure, do it! But be aware that you’re booking an ambitious day, and plan a lighter day the day before or the day after. If you try to pack every possible activity into your trip, you’re probably going to burn out.
Trust me, once you’re exhausted, it’s pretty hard to have fun. I once was so tired by the time we set off to have dinner in Spain that I started to brainstorm creative ways to try to wake myself up. At one point, I literally sprinted up and down an empty alleyway for several minutes until I got my heart rate up just so I could stay awake during dinner. It turns out, after a day of waking up early, wandering the city in the heat, seeing a massive palace, and wandering around the city until Spanish dinner time (9pm), I was pretty much spent. Funny enough, the jogging seemed to work and rallied enough to stay out through dinner.
I did, however, absolutely crash when I got back to my Airbnb.
3. Manage yourself
I can’t count the number of times I’ve been traveling with someone who has gotten hangry and tired and snappy and made a day of travel miserable. I also can’t count the number of times I have been that person–it’s an easy mistake to make! The number one thing I’d recommend here is to take responsibility for your own comfort. It’s not your travel partner’s job to feed you, it’s your job to make sure that you have enough food. It’s not your travel partner’s job to make sure you get enough sleep, that’s on you.
It takes a lot of practice to get better at self care while you’re traveling, and even with practice we can sometimes succumb to hanger or grumpiness or exhaustion. Try to get ahead and stay ahead by taking breaks when you need to, asking for some alone time if you need it, and taking accountability for your own well being on your trip. It’s your job to manage yourself, and you know better than anyone what you need and when you need it.
That said, try your best to look out for others, too, and give them some grace if or when they come up short. We all can fall victim to overextending ourselves, pushing too hard, or even just suffering from a bad night of sleep. What’s good for each person’s wellness is usually also good for the group. That said, try not to derail plans or keep others from the activities they want to do whenever possible–normalize excusing yourself and letting others continue on without you, if needed. As long as you’re not spending the day in transit, it’s usually not a problem to hang back at the hostel for a few hours.
4. Know that there will be friction
I have never been on a frictionless trip with friends. Inevitably, you’ll say or do something that annoys your travel companions, or they’ll rub you the wrong way somehow. It happens. It’s normal. The key, in my opinion, is to do the best you can to manage yourself effectively and take responsibility for your own wellness and good time.
Advocate for the things you want to do, be willing to do them alone if needed, and try to accommodate others’ activities and interests. If there’s a museum you really want to see on your trip, but your travel companions want to spend the day lounging in the Airbnb, feel free to go! Similarly, sometimes I’ve been with a group and I start to feel overstimulated by all of the activities and movement–this is a cue to me that I might need to skip an activity and spend a little time alone.
If you start to experience some friction, try not to let it linger. If you can truly let things go, let them go! If you can’t, address them as quickly as possible. Address tensions directly using “I” statements (“I felt hurt when you said X”), kindness, and compassion. Be forthcoming about what you need, how you feel, and what could make the trip better for you. The longer tensions build up, the bigger the (almost) inevitable blow up will be, so just cut it off at the pass and make adjustments as you go. A small uncomfortable conversation with a defined resolution is always preferable to a full scale trip implosion.