The past few years have been especially difficult for Asian Americans: The COVID-19 pandemic has penetrated nearly every aspect of our daily lives for all of us.Unfortunately, racially motivated violence against Asian Americans is spreading as fast as the coronavirus itself.
People have been coughed on and spit on.There was a time when verbal insults and threats against women and the elderly made headlines every week.March 16 marks the one-year anniversary of the shootings at three Atlanta-area spas in which a man killed eight people, including six Asian women.
Since the shootings, attacks against Asian Americans, especially women, have continued across the country, exacerbating community fears and concerns about safety. Reporting forum Stop AAPI Hate tracked nearly 11,000 hate incidents against AAPIs between March 19, 2020, and December 31, 2021, and the FBI reported a spike in such hate-motivated violence.
Whether you have experienced discrimination or not, simply hearing about widespread xenophobia can affect your mental health. We asked therapists working in the Asian American community to share their best self-care tips during these stressful times.
1. Reach out to friends who can validate your experiences. (Online friends count, too!)
Because we’ve spent so much time physically distancing, social bonds are more important now than ever, especially if you’re mentally exhausted from the current wave of xenophobia and racism. (Perhaps you yourself have experienced stares or rude comments at the market or while walking.)
The need to connect is especially important when we encounter micro or macro attacks, and we should share the burden of our experience.Let family and friends know what’s going on.
If you see or hear about others being targeted, please reach out and verify their experiences. For example, if you see a social media post about someone being abused, leave a comment or send them a message of support. (Maybe something like: “Hey, I know we haven’t spoken since college, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m really sorry about what happened to you while you were walking your dog. I’ve had some experiences, like mine recently So if you want to talk, please let me know.”)
A lot of times with things like this you need someone to witness, listen and validate what we are seeing, I would also recommend joining a POC or Asian American/APIA online community or advocacy group to hear from more people who are dealing with this voice on the issue and find a larger support network to mobilize outreach or take action.
The more popular online communities — NextShark. com or the Facebook group Subtle Asian Traits — can be good starting points for finding specific advocacy groups.
2. Pull yourself away from the TV and headlines once in a while.
During an international health crisis like this, you want to be as informed as possible, especially if your community faces a local threat.You may feel like you can’t take a break until you’re overwhelmed and feel a wave of exhaustion.Zhuang Aislin said, don’t let it develop to this point.
While watching or reading the news, take note of your personal experience, your feelings and emotions, and your physical reactions, checking for signs of sadness, grief, or anger. If so, maybe you need to pause and metabolize before moving forward.
Pay attention to the sensations in your body, such as tightness in your chest or abdomen, or an increased heart rate, and use those sensations to decide what you can take in and when it’s too much.
We each have our own tolerance for what we can and cannot take in, and it takes some mindfulness to realize when we are overwhelmed by a distressing story.
When you do need a break, try some mindfulness-based relaxation, go for a walk or do something you enjoy.
If you often feel overwhelmed and have trouble self-soothing, consider seeing a therapist via FaceTime or Zoom.
Professional mental health support from a culturally sensitive licensed therapist can be an effective way to process emotions related to trauma and learn skills to cope with resulting depression, anxiety, or hyperarousal.
3. If you’re worried about mask harassment, prep how you might respond in advance.
For many Asian Americans, as mask mandates are lifted across the country, they are more concerned about still wearing one. It’s easy to be wary when you hear other people’s stories.
It may be perfectly fine to go out without a mask, and to prepare yourself mentally, consider what you would say if someone confronted you about your face covering.
Now is worth practicing with a friend on how to deal with harassment over wearing a mask, seriously.practice. Loudly. It’s easy to write a mental script, but now it’s even harder.
It’s also worth talking to your friends and family about your feelings or experiences with this type of harassment.
Ask them what they do to feel good in situations where they feel they may be at risk of attack. If that’s helpful in the market, talk or FaceTime with someone who can provide emotional support and ‘witness’ when something happens.
4. If you’re discriminated against, put your safety first.
If someone confronts you or describes you because you’re Asian—whether it’s a dirty look, a racial slur, or something worse—safety should be your first concern.Often, the best self-defense is to ignore and distance yourself from the provocation.
It’s important to remember that by doing this you are not saying that racism or racist behavior is okay.Walking away from racist encounters is simply choosing not to get into a lose-lose situation. Then, once it’s safe to do so, it can be valuable to seek emotional support from friends or loved ones as soon as possible.
If you wish to make a complaint, or simply need immediate emotional support, please go to market staff and let them know what has happened.
How do you calm down at this moment? To breathe in and out, feel your feet.
Connecting and expanding into our bodies helps us stay as calm and open as possible so we can pursue different options for action. When you’re facing a threat, your breathing may become shallower and your field of vision narrow as you prepare to take action quickly. Breathing deeply and staying connected to our bodies also allows us to remain present rather than relying on our immediate impulses.
Whatever action you take, don’t judge yourself for it in the future. It’s important to accept how you handled the encounter because you don’t want to deal with the guilt or worry of not handling the situation “right” on top of everything else.
5. Lean into literature written for and by Asians.
Now is a great time to pick up your Kindle and check out books by Asians and Asian Americans.It’s heartening to hear the perseverance of others in the community during this difficult time. Turning to our ancestors, social justice elders, or beloved spiritual figures during difficult times allows us to bring in different models that help guide how we think and act during this time. Read Grace Lee Boggs, Maxine Hong Kingston and Thich Nhat Hanh.
6. Remind yourself that this is part of a larger story.
When you consider the current wave of xenophobia and racism Asian Americans are facing, try to keep a wide angle. These microaggressions and macroaggressions are painful, but they reflect the larger oppression of Asian Americans in America.
Historically, Asian Americans have been either celebrated (the model minority) or vilified (the red scare), and in the current context we see a leader seeking to find scapegoats for the pandemic fueling fear and blame, so the problem is institutional in nature.
Recognizing that this is bigger than you doesn’t mean minimizing your current experience.They are still very effective.
When we confront racism directly, looking back at our history doesn’t give others a pass, but it shows us from a broader perspective the greater complexities we’re in and helps us evaluate what we can and can’t control things.